I'm not particularly proud of myself for the story I am about to tell. But I'm thinking if I throw it out into the blogosphere I'll feel better. And since that's why I started this blog, really, as a bit of an emotional outlet, here it comes.
I had two meltdowns this past weekend. We're talking yelling and screaming and in general acting like a real brat. I think some of the underlying causes were valid, but my behavior was really out of line.
The first "event" (as I will refer to them) came on Saturday as we were on our way across town to go to a party. Steve was angry because he had caught Lola with her paws up, nose on the table very close to snatching the appetizer we were supposed to be taking with us. Now, mind you, she didn't get it - she needed another moment or two - but he went crazy. He yelled at her, she took off and headed upstairs to find me to save her. He chased her up three flights of stairs so he could chastise her. A bit of an over reaction, I felt. From there we went on to discuss the beach house we are looking to rent for the summer and whether or not it needed a pool. (It doesn't but we need a decent sized house as there will be 12 of us - all adults. The bigger houses often have pools.) From there it just went on. I spend too much money. He's always gone. He wished we could get rid of the hounds, I love the hounds. Etc, so on and so forth until I was crying and telling him to take me home because I was in no mood for a party. He didn't. We went and had a really good time actually. Maybe some air clearing was just necessary.
The second "event" took place on Sunday when Steve brought the Christmas tree in and put it in the stand. I have written a couple of blog posts in the past about the Christmas tree tradition and how I like big fat trees. Well, I reacted to this tree as if it were an embarrassment to Christmas trees around the world. And he and Caitlin both laughed at me! That sent me right over the edge. I'm not proud of how I acted. I know it's only a tree. But it's really important to me. And no one seems to care - maybe that's what got to me.
In retrospect I think what's really getting to me is everything. It's the holiday season fa la la la la. But the world just doesn't stop so we can all have a Norman Rockwell Christmas. We all still have jobs and have to go to work every day (and thank God for that.) It's not like I can go shopping at my leisure. The house still needs cleaned, the dogs walked, the laundry done. But December 25th is still advancing at a steady pace.
So tonight I think I will put on some Christmas music, pour myself a glass of wine and finish decorating the tree. After all, if it's really an embarrassment to Christmas trees everywhere, it shouldn't take long to do.
2 comments:
Love your story! This happens to all of us at least once around Christmas. But you just get up everyday get done what you can and don't sweat the rest. Taking time to relax (with wine of course) is key. Time to stop and sniff the pine needles with the hounds!
I hope you are feeling better! I have kind of given up a little bit on doing everything I can for the holidays. Whatever I get done, I get done. If it means not decorating as much or not going to every party, so be it. Like you said, I gotta go to work and make dinner every night and play with Finn. So little time!
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